Sunday, June 22, 2014

Being not so okay with the fact that clarity on certain issues can emerge(and hopefully will emerge)  only over a period of time and only after long, difficult and sometimes embarrassing conversations.....This is one of those occasions when I want to read a mind other than mine. That skill would save me the trouble of having continuous conversations in my head without ever letting them out -as a reluctant choice to avoid hostile responses. And hats off to all the people who believe that the trouble I mentioned in first line is worth taking. They talk, they listen, they talk, they listen and do they manage to put things in place? I hope for all of them and for myself that such perseverance in conversations is worth practicing!

Friday, June 20, 2014

The cost of letting go and not being a control freak is very very high and to make it worse there descends guilt, shame, regret and ethical dilemmas! 

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

There seems to be a kind of disorder even in the uncluttered room. There is a crack in the window and the light is hurting my eyes even with drawn curtains. There is a despair which is spreading poison in my blood stream. It is the time when eccentricity is not enchanting. It is the time when addictions of all kinds are not stimulants but just harmful substances. It is the time when I dream of being an ascetic. I dream of trees, a cloudy sky, blowing wind, and my mother's amber eyes. I long for train journeys with rain water trickling in through the rusty old window grills, crisp clothes in pastel colors, brothy soups and a state of mind  which will let me travel the length without giving up.

Saturday, June 7, 2014

When desolation stares at me....

I want to flee but don't know where to.
And the wings, they have forgotten their function. So I remain in the nest which is not home.

I want to disintegrate into dust, fly up in the air and  may be, then, manage to breathe. Yet, I am a log of wood, all juice sucked out, but who cares. So I remain, in the forest that is now nothing but a timber mill. And disintegration, it seems like distant dream.....

If there are gods I haven't offended yet, I would sincerely appreciate a drop of rain (literally as well!).....