I am happy. This is the “I want to dance in the rain kind of happiness” (but I have been medically warned against any such stunts-yes, the medical people over dramatize things! Anyway, I won’t). I am happy because I met someone. No, no, no-not the true love of my life or anything. This is the kind of person who will make you feel happy even in the complete absence of such a possibility. It is not like he fell off the sky one sudden day, he was around all this while at a very close distance, but some conversations just happen and you get to know how genuine a person is or how fake he is (in fact, my fakeness detecting radar is quite sensitive and strong-this is a warning to a lot of people, you will know if you are one.)
Coming back to the special person, he is vulnerable, just like me. And he lives with it, everyday, just like me. And it is such a relief to meet a person who is genuinely okay with his vulnerability. He understands it as a weakness, it is hard for him and he is ready to accept it and fight it. This is not how humility becomes a mere facade for greater arrogance (people from the academia will surely understand. I will write more on this for sure later, but for some thought on academic arrogance right now, you should read this) It is also not how some people say “I can completely understand how you must be feeling, although I have never been there”(and “will never be, thank God!” with a secret sigh inside their head). The understanding here is not merely a patronising or charitable position. Here, the understanding is in terms of living with the pain and it comes with a recognition of all the unconventional, but no so fashionable means one has to adopt just for moving another inch ahead, everyday, towards survival. I believe such an understanding towards the self and others is what will ultimately get a person out of stagnation and will prevent them from plummeting down the black hole of spurious perfection.
There is so much honesty here and nobody said honesty was not painful, most of the time it is not a medal that you want to flash in front of everyone, it is embarrassing, but accepting as well and like the person mentioned here, I prefer this way of accepting the vulnerable me. If there is an ideal for being flawed (I do see the irony) he is my guy and if I dream of a utopia for the flawed, it would be one with a lot of honesty and a lot of humility.
Ok, I need to stop now, I am almost sounding preachy. A big hug to all the imperfect, flawed people out there. And did I mention I hate flawless people?